There were light moments, during late and weary hours, which eased physical and mental tension. Zany word-plays and irreverent bi-lingual pun-jabs were punctuated by chuckles or guffaws which echoed out of mess halls. It is a mixed bag of GJs and PJs. But they did contain some food for thought.

Here are some:

What was the staple food of the technical teams in the desert?

Sandwiches, of course.

Despite sandwiches, how was their appetite?

Very `holesome'.

How could the food quality be improved in future campaigns, assuming that they would be approved?

Scientists are known to cook up results rather well. Runningof the mess should be left to them.

Was there any `sabre-rattling' in Pokharan during Shakti '98?

No. Possibly only a twirling of the baton. As you know there is a village nearby called Lathi. The villagers will confirm to you that there was no `lathi charge'.

What was the name given to the `grand dinner' arranged by the regiment on May 13, 1998?

Bada Dhamaka-Khana

The previous regiment at Pokharan was the 8 Eng Regiment (Madras Sappers). They were unlucky. If the tests had been conducted during their tenure (1994-96), what would have been the name given to this dinner?

Vada khana.

What was the favourite song among the jawans and the technical teams?

``Netton ke peechey kya hai
Netton ke neechey kya hai''

What was the most difficult task faced by the technical teams?

Getting into and out of army uniforms.

Any other `uniform' problems?

Yes. Uniforms were used to avoid curious eyes which could spot the anomalous presence of civilians insidethe Army range. So, not much care was bestowed on seniority and appropriate ranks. A junior scientist had a rank much higher than his boss and told him, ``Now, you better salute me''.

The senior scientist, imitating any CO, bellowed: ``I'll have you court martialled for impersonation''.

The junior said: ``I can reverse the charge, Boss. Aren't you too an imposter in uniform?''

Is it true that the scientists and engineers prayed to Shiva and Shakti on May 11?

Definitely not. They sought a favourable wind direction from Varuna to press the button.

Why were very senior, serving Army officers not present in the range during these tests?

The Qualitative Requirements (QR) drawn up by some junior officer said that, for this important desert test, `Sandhurst-trained seniors should be considered'. In mysterious ways, the GSQR got cleared. Later, it was realised that such seniors have all retired and amendment of the QR was quite difficult.

Was testing necessary to keep `nuclear option'alive?

Yes. Our option has been on oxygen for many years. Without tests, our option may well have died `intestate'.

How did the Americans manage to miss the Shakti '98 tests?

Maybe they misplaced the key to the Key Hole satellites.

Where did the helicopters land for the trials?

On the `Tharmac'.

*After the scientists returned from the desiccating heat of the desert, it was clear that the infection of lightness did not wane away. Possibly, because of the heat wave in many parts of the country.

A post-shot sampler:

Why did Pakistan take 18 days to conduct tests after India started its campaign on May 11?

The instructions were in Chinese and Dutch; and the translators were in USA with H-1 visas.

Is it correct to call the Pak bomb ``Islamic''?Definitely incorrect. It is the world's first, truly international bomb for peace and stability. The recipe for the ``Chick-4 Pea Soup'' is unique. Made with petro-dollar glue, stirred with Dutch centrifugetechnology, fed by a German uranium hexaflouride plant and operated with British inverters. Garnished with Chinese triggers and served with American krytrons. The Cordon Bleu was conferred by USA through its official ``non-certification'' in October 1990 of ``non-possession by Pakistan of a nuclear device or bomb''.

Oh yes. In getting the recipe and cooking procedures, a number of persons (Pakistani, including Dr A Q Khan, German; Dutch; British etc) were tried and sentenced for a number of violations of laws in the clandestine export of items for the bomb project. So, it would be quite fair to say that the Pak pot pouri bomb is born more out of `European convictions' than native skills.

Why is it that the `reactions' to the tests appear to be very large and vocal, nationally and internationally?

Because the `hole' is bigger than the sum of its technical parts.

Why is Dr A Q Khan ideally suited to be the father of Pakistan's nuclear tests?

Maybe because his first job in Karachi was inthe office of Weights and Measures. He must have built on this early experience to ensure that no counterfeit `kilotonnes' are used in Pakistan.

Pakistan used to cry ``Wolf, wolf'' about India's nuclear programme. After May 11, 1998 what were they doing?

Crying ``Wolfensohn, Wolfensohn.'' (James Wolfensohn is the president of the World Bank.)

*About the ``5 tests'' conducted by Pakistan on May 28, 1998, a junior scientist who plays cricket said: ``It looks like an Indo-Pak one-dayer with a difference: few googlies, too many Chinamen.''